Top 5 things NOT to do in Ancient/Medieval/Modern Israel/Canaan.

1. Really Ancient Canaan (before the Israelites get to Jerusalem) - DO NOT be a first-born child. Not much you can actually do about this one, I guess, but nevertheless definitely to be avoided as being the first born child may involve being offered into a pit of fire as a human sacrifice. This was done by the Jebusites in the valley which runs between the HUC campus and the old city - the Valley of Hinnom. 

2. Ancient Israel - DO NOT be an ancient canaanite, hittite, moabite, midianite or in particular an amalekite. You are likely to be exterminated by genocidal ancient Israelites led by Joshua, and later the Judges and finally Saul and Shmuel. Basically - they are all out to get you, and you are dead meat.

3. Late Ancient Israel - DO NOT go around proclaiming yourself the messiah, failing to cut your hair and advertising yourself as a miracle man - you run great risk of being nailed to a cross and left to die by the romans. However - there is an upside - millions of people will worship you for centuries to come. But actually, that is not so great, because you will be dead and won’t get to appreciate their adoration.

4. Early Ottoman empire: DO NOT build the walls of the Old city for the Ottoman Sultan. Given that you alone will know the secrets of the walls, and how to get through them, you will not be trusted. And losing the trust of Suleiman the Great is not something you want to do, as this will leave you in a fair bit of trouble. In fact you will of course, you guessed it, end up dead!

5. Modern Israel: DO NOT leave your bag lying around. While this mistake will not, thankfully lead to a grizzly death, like the other “no-no’s” on the list, it will cause a certain amount of annoyance - to you and many others. Your bag will be considered a “hefetz hashud” - a suspicious object. It will of course be blown up by a drone in a controlled explosion - your cellphone, wallet, sunglasses, etc. will possibly be returned to you in small pieces, if the police take the time to look through your belongings after they have blown them up. This is actually unlikely. Just kiss it all goodbye!